Blog:Pixie Sprains A Wing

October 12, 2012 by  
Filed under Thoughts of a Jet Setting Journo

Fight or Flight.


If it was the right season, and I were a creeping zinnia, my pollen would spread like wildlife. I am that passionate.
Despite my passion, when things get tough, I automatically conform to `flight mode`. I run away. This is especially true when I am pursuing my work. I am in love with so many things, so many areas and niches, that I don’t know what to do with myself. Fiction. Travel. Weather. The World. Communications. Languages. People.
So this said, I try my hand at each niche. I write fiction for hours on end, candles and coffee on tap, until the sun rises. I begin to master a storyline, I become my 1st person character, my grammar improves. But then I hit a slump. Who is going to read this? Why is my writing so dated? Am I completely messed up, because I write about space and purgatory when I zone out? How will I make enough money to live if I pursue this, anyway?

Am I not creative enough for this?

Then I flitter back to travel writing- my absolute forte. I log back into my website, I write some personal blogs… I reminisce about my days writing in Tenerife and Georgia, I begin to write travel pieces for a newspaper in New York, and I even bag a summer internship for said newspaper. But then that voice hits me again. I’ve never been to New York. How do I know it’s the City of Dreams? My writing is too fictional to be travel. I’m an amateur. I’m not good enough to go freelance and be paid for it, despite the fact I’ve already written features and been paid for them. Oh, and it’s been two weeks since I’ve submitted my intern application for the newspaper, and still, nothing.

Am I not experienced enough for this?

And then the big one hits me. That little vision that I carry around with me everywhere I go. America. My future home.
So I develop a love affair with natural disasters and weather, and my thoughts progress until I am hooked on the American Dream… to be a broadcaster in The States. And oh, what a fantasy it is. So I go through college, progress onto higher education and endeavour onto a degree in Multimedia Journalism. And then suddenly, the voice becomes so loud and so persistent, that I can’t think straight anymore. Broadcasting is viciously competitive. I need strategy. I need balls. I need to stand out. I need a background in science and geography and oh, I will need a few languages behind me as well.

So am I not smart enough for this?

And so… this is me now. Little journalist Leonie- aspiring travel writer, stuck in a rut. It seems that I have abandoned my talents and my own niches in favour of trying to better myself under the influence of other people. It’s sabotage to the soul.
My all-time motto in life is `Follow Your Heart`. Have I been doing that? Absolutely not. This makes me an absolute hypocrite.
I tell myself to Follow My Heart, and that’s what I shall do.

Cue coffee, muffins and a serious brainstorming sesh.


Love Pixie,


xx

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